So many things have been happening, and never would I have thought that I'd turn out to be this way. What's really scary, is that I don't think I'm doing anything wrong. Something really deep inside wants to see how far I can take this. How long it'll take for me to realize. How much I can withstand, whilst containing composure of life. I don't know....

There's so much that I want to accomplish, and it's all falling into place so perfectly, but I have no focus. Perfect timing. Just perfect. I feel anxiety. Soon it'll turn to tears; and sure enough, my anxiety would have had reason, and yet another dream will be crushed right beneath my very own feet.

I know exactly how things will unfold, but I try to fight it; and the harder I fight, the worse it is in the end, because I knew how hard I tried, only for my attempts to be failed. Maybe I should just allow nature to take its course, and avoid getting into a rebuttal with the universe. Am I telling myself to let go of ambition? I'm confused. More lost than I have ever been. Maybe I don't know how things will unfold.

I am overcome with fear, excitement, eagerness, and ANXIETY! This can be good or bad, but I know that I'll be okay regardless of the outcome. That's what I want to believe, at least. I am terrified, actually. My heart is racing, and my palms are sweaty. I feel the tears swell in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall.

I'm unsure about so many things that I can't even begin to name them! I still feel empty! Why?!? I'm begging for this void to be filled, but everyone passes me by. Why? There, there. The tears are falling now. I need someone to talk to. To fill the void for me. I can't do this alone. I'm alone. No matter how many people I surround myself with, I'll always be alone when I close my eyes at night. I don't want to be alone. I don't. I can't stop crying. It's really hurting.

I want to be able to love again, but once again, I am terrified.