3. Here are some pictures!

OMG!!!

I know that these reject. I want to wear them as play piercings. It's so hot!

My nose ring.

Belly ring and industrial piercing.

Purple Eyeshadow and lipgloss! ::gasps::  A no no for the daily.

Ew. Can you tell that I drew on my lids? LOL

I just feel like nothing's getting better. Still NOT going to school. Still live at my mom's, and almost having a job doesn't count. Things are moving too slow for me. I've been more upset with David. I told him some time ago that I think that we should stop having sex, because I think that we don't really get along with each other besides in the bed. I feel like I'm being used sometimes. I've known him for 5 years now, and I would hate to lose his friendship because we were too caught up in sex while in our relationship. I feel like things are going to come to a screeching halt.


I'm also stressed out about David getting his diploma. He's currently enrolled in Virtual School, and he's been withdrawn twice. Now, I've been doing hours of work for him so that doesn't happen again. He can't even get a decent job without a high school diploma. He was accepted into FIU, but he can't even go because of his diploma. I really don't see us moving in together by next year April. Especially at the rate this is all going. I'm so sick of begging him to do his own work. The broken promises, his selfishness, the lies, the crying, trying to make things work, and caring WAY too much. It really shouldn't be this way. Maybe this is some sort of test on our relationship. I'm so tired of it. It's draining. I just really feel like he's not trying to make it work.

I just started another 100 Things About Me list and I got up to like, number 27, and it was going REALLY good (surprisingly), and I fucking clicked something on my toolbar, and I desperately tried to go back to my post, and it was GONE! I was left with nothing but the title. I am so upset! Lol. This is funny. Oh well. Maybe next time.

No, I'm just kidding. But seriously, I am soo excited about this! Just a few days ago I got an e-mail saying that I won JOTW. Do you know how long I've tried to win this thing. I've been a member of Bravenet for a VERY long time, and I'd submit my journal like crazy. Wait a second.... I just realized. When I stopped cursing in my blog, I started to get a lot less readers, but I've actually been able to have the option of making money on my blog, and I FINALLY won JOTW.

This feels amazing indeed. AMAZING.

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I'd also like to thank the Bravejournal team, and everyone who's sent a congrats. THNX!

So my mom's being a psycho. No reason to because I'm safe. No reason at all to freak out. She's just being a control freak, and I won't allow this to happen. She's controlled my life for so long, and I've been so afraid to do what I wanted. I'm 18, and now what I want to do is my own business. She just needs to relax. I'm in no danger at all. I'm smarter than she thinks. She should trust me. Or she can just worry. Not really a concern to me.

If love is a gun,
Then I am the bullet
Penetrating your heart
And tearing it open.
Forcing you to bleed
Your every emotion;
Making you weak
Without a notion.
Choking the air
From your lungs;
Gagging you with
Your very blood.
I'm the only one
Who can hear these screams;
Of your dear insides
Bleeding way for me.

Things have been a lot better sense the last few times I've been around. I still live at my mom's house, but I'm with David most of the time. My mom senses that and she now "claims" to have no problem with me leaving now, due to my absence at home. Since I never believe what my mom tells me, I'm not going to take her word for it, because I'm sure she will change her mind just as she does ALL the time. You know, after that happening so many times, I think I have the utmost reason not to trust what she says. Well anyways, I'm leaving whether she wants me to or not. I'm 18, and have been so for a while. It's my life, and I REFUSE to let her take control of it. She needs to take a step or two back and control her OWN life; obviously seeing that now even at 41, she cries about having to do chores, and can't decide if she wants a man in or out of her life. She just needs to give it a rest!

I know that you're wondering WHEN I'll actually move out of my mother's house. David and I have tried to devise a plan of how to go about this, and we've come up with something quite simple. When we both get jobs, then it will be OK for me to move into his house. But we also have to save up for our own apartment by next year. Dave's mom is moving north of Florida, and we are unsure of where we're going to live at the moment, but we know that we're going to be on our own together. After we get our jobs, we'll come up with plans to save money so we can have a place to live and go to school.

 But really only the future knows what's in store for him and I. Our relationship is VERY serious, and yes at 18, I KNOW that I have found the one. He consumes me entirely, and if it wasn't for him, I'd still be on a self-destructive path as I was before him. I love you, David.

Today was my last day of school. Never will I be forced to walk into that hell hole again, but next week I'll gladly pick up my cap and gown. I feel so relieved. I'm so happy. I feel accomplished. My time's been way overdue. But lately I haven't been unhappy about a few simple things. They bother me so much, that sometimes I cry. I really don't know what to do. I feel sick. I don't like this feeling at all. I feel as if I'm suffering from a constant anxiety attack. I feel it right now. That tightness I get in my chest sometimes. That lump in my throat. I start to feel sick, and I feel like something is going to happen, but nothing ever does. Essentially, I feel like I'm worrying for nothing. I'm confused.